Tonight I had to explain to my daughter about respect. I respect myself. I love myself. I can't account for others actions and feelings about me. Contrary to what many may believe about me, I actually care about others outside of myself. I do not need any religious rhetoric, group rules, to think for me or to govern my actions because I may feel that as an adult I am not able to conduct myself or think for myself.
Tonight; I was basically told by a sister that the care for my well being is unneeded because I take a class and learned some moves. I deserve to be left alone. A brother let me know how he felt by calling someone else that felt awkward about the conversation to look out for me instead.
I explained to my daughter that that is not how things are to be. No one has the right to downplay your feelings, well-being, etc because they feel superior to you in looks, beliefs and such. I teach my daughter to respect others and I do the same. You may not like my choice of clothing, but I try to always be with a smile and a manageable attitude. So yes, my feelings (damn those human things I'm suppose to hide- unless their only happy) were hurt and I did shed my tear. I am re-evaluating 'cool' because that wasn't cool.
I personally struggle with this strong black woman thing because truthfully, I don't always feel like being strong. However, I don't know how to be in this human shell all of the time. No one knows how in the past I sometimes just wanted to end it all but because I am a mother, I don't. I want to see my daughter grow and I want to be the one to raise her up and teach her as is my duty. I guess if you share your unhappy feelings then you are being bitchy, whiny, miserable, playing the victim...lol...but I think its healthy to feel. Just keep it in perspective, learn and move on.
Thats all.
No comments:
Post a Comment